Girl: *drops muffin on floor*
Guy (to girl): "You FAIL at muffins."

DILLIGAS

Guy 1: I'm suffering from dilligas.
Guy 2: what?
Guy 1: Does it look like I give a s#!t?

Great heights

This whole thing is like the Mount Everest of dumb.

Well... they are.

Carnivore (as told to a vegetarian): "Animals are yummy!!!"
Vegetarian: *gasp*

Coyotes vs Armadillos

Guy:  "Can you point me to your pee section?"

Sniff

Gal: She just needs to smell it more.

The Wizards of Smart

Guy: "Listen to what the Wizards of Smart did today..."

I've Gone Cross-eyed

guy 1: I have plans to make plans ...
guy 2: If failing to plan = planning to fail, then is planning to plan = failing to fail?

Guy: "It's like a Catch 22"

A stunning grasp on the obvious...

Guy: "It can only go elsewhere from here."

T...M...I

Guy on conference call referring to system failures (I hope): "I mean...if there was a dump, I would want to know about it."

Who just left?

(while on a conference call)
Guy: "Who just left the call?"