I think I've found a better use for this...

Guy (via email): "As requested, I provided you this template. It has several uses, but I think the best might be to print one out and make a little hat."

Possibly regarding Clyde...

Gal: "The ORANGE ghost is a sneaky lil thing, am I not right?"

The Best Kind of Journey

Guy: "We're on a hayride to hell!"

Um... no, they are muffins.

Guy: "Someone brought Magic Muffins this morning to the coffee area."
Gal: "Is that like some kind of doughnut?"

This just in...

Guy 1: "Penguins can jump 6ft in the air."
Guy 2: "how? They don't have legs."
Guy 3: "Penguins have cankles."

I hate I heard this...

Guy (to another person): "Oh geeze! You entered at the same time as your dingle-dingle."

Eager to Please

Guy: "Yeah, whatever's good for me."

Guy: "So what days are you going to be off tomorrow?"

Now I know...

Boss: "'Bad' is not a good word."
Non-boss: "Thanks for clearing that up for me."

Two Perfectly Matched Cliche's

Well you know hindsight is what it is.

Whole new genre

Muppet character: I love my nerdery.

Quality vs Quantity

Guy: we need to have better meetings.

Other Guy: how about we just have more?

Yeah... Sure you do...

Gal: "My neck hurts."
Group: "Why?"
Gal: "You know, I do acrobatics at night."
Group: "..."
Gal: "Y'all know I sleep alone!"
Guy: "Meeting over..."

The perfect response to the completely inappropriate joke.

Guy #1: "That's what she said."
Guy #2: "But why'd she say that?"

Question of Health

Rangers fan: Ride a bike 20 miles? That's a long way! Do you get cigarette breaks?
Boston fan: Oh, you can just smoke right there on the bike.

A new job title...

Guy #1: Maybe we should shorten his Analyst title
Guy #2: Yeah, to just Anal
Guy #2: OR... we could add a 'C' and make him an Anal Cyst

The New Heavyweight Champion!

Guy: "You are like a prizefighter of stupid ideas. You just keep swinging and never get tired and keep knocking us out with dumb things."

Do what now?

Gal: "I'm not too familiar with the dongle."

Backwards Upgrades

Woman: "The new Citrix is not as high tech as the old Citrix."

Chocolate Cake!

Cube Dweller: You are being the antithesis of helpful right now.
Office Dweller: It's the chocolate cake!

Just one part of a sensible diet and exercise plan

Guy #1: "How is it not lunchtime yet? Meetings burn a lot of calories."
Guy #2: "if by calories, you mean brain cells"
Guy #1: "Something like that..."

Our new Green Initiative

Guy 1: "The light at the end of the tunnel has been extinguished for cost savings purposes."

Guy 1: "Just because I'm not here, doesn't mean I'm not working."

Guy 1: "Who brought the clown?"

Guy 1: "Can you wash my brain, please?"

A man is only allowed to know 8 colors...

Non-man Guy: "It's more of a creamish-taupe."

But how large was it?

Guy: "They gave a huge little presentation."

Laziness Finds a New Level

[Person sneezes]

Girl: "Bless whoever."

As Heard on TV

"It's never too late to panic!"

Girl: "it's gotta be the mustache."

What exactly is it that you say you do here?

Guy: "My purpose here is primarily to serve as a warning to others."

Guy: "The new group motto should be: EXPLORE SIMPLITION."

Well, I guess there could be worse reasons...

Guy: "I, personally, would vote for the guy in the chicken suit."

Guy: It's not 5:00pm, because we are not swimming right now.

He lets his fingers do the talking...

Guy: "I'm not complaining, it's just my fingers."

Exciting, maybe?

Guy: "That's excition!"

Groundhog Day

QA: It hasn't updated yet because I need to wait 24 hours.
PM: Yeah that won't ever happen because time doesn't exist in our world.

Vanity or Insanity?

Boss [referring to certain documentation]: "So does it look good?"

Guy: "I do, yeah."

Captain Sentence-Structure Strikes Again!

Guy: "What ends up gonna happen is..."

The Lord Provideth

Girl: "Oh, where did this air come from?"

Guy: "God."

Technical Wonders

IT#1: please adjust the flux capacitor and alert the testers when complete.
IT#2: I’m setting the temporal coordinates now and the TARDIS should be dematerializing soon. I’ll alert you when it’s rematerialized…

While waiting on a conference call...

Guy #1: "we're only separated by a thin wall of digits."

Guy #1: It's like a hostile takeover... with petting.

It all makes sense now...

Guy #1: "When did you get this new office?"
Guy #2: "Just this morning..."
Guy #1: "I was wondering why your emails starting making sense all of a sudden."

Quality Family Time

Girl: I died 24 times last night... but, at least, my husband got the best of both worlds: spending time with his wife and a new video game.

Guy #1 (while holding a mouse): Can you click this button for me?

What about your dingle-dingle?

Guy #1: "I need to turn off my dingle-dingle."