Halloweener

Girl #1: I'm a unicorn.
Guy: You're a narwhal.
Girl #2: Narwhals don't wear flower crowns.
Girl #1: "I'm the queen of the unicorns, b****es!"

Liquid Gold?

Guy: "I'm listening to SimplyNoise.com and Pandora at the same time. It's like listening to a symphony orchestra while standing in a waterfall."
Girl: "Like all the people in the orchestra are peeing at the same time?"
Guy: "No, not a golden shower...a waterfall."

Guy: "So he is just sitting there, squeezing his peach".

Girl: *drops muffin on floor*
Guy (to girl): "You FAIL at muffins."

DILLIGAS

Guy 1: I'm suffering from dilligas.
Guy 2: what?
Guy 1: Does it look like I give a s#!t?

Great heights

This whole thing is like the Mount Everest of dumb.

Well... they are.

Carnivore (as told to a vegetarian): "Animals are yummy!!!"
Vegetarian: *gasp*

Coyotes vs Armadillos

Guy:  "Can you point me to your pee section?"

Sniff

Gal: She just needs to smell it more.

The Wizards of Smart

Guy: "Listen to what the Wizards of Smart did today..."

I've Gone Cross-eyed

guy 1: I have plans to make plans ...
guy 2: If failing to plan = planning to fail, then is planning to plan = failing to fail?

Guy: "It's like a Catch 22"

A stunning grasp on the obvious...

Guy: "It can only go elsewhere from here."

T...M...I

Guy on conference call referring to system failures (I hope): "I mean...if there was a dump, I would want to know about it."

Who just left?

(while on a conference call)
Guy: "Who just left the call?"

A new entry to the deployment plan...

Gal: "There's an asteroid coming, is that our application's fault?"

What's going on?

PM: "I don't even try to know anymore."

Guy: We're not going to build the app for this [platform], because no one's gonna buy that [platform].

But why "butter"?

Guy: "This next round of testing needs to be butter."

And thus a new word was born...

Guy: Including [pointy-haired boss] for in-loop-edness.